Hold the strings to your own life: A childhood experience!

As a child you ought to live in a bubble formed, moved, and filled by the people around you. You innocently believe in whatever comes your way and you grow up with that credence as gospel. But not unlike every bubble this too follows its course and pops, leaving you addled but certainly oriented. I for once lived in a bubble of timidity and meekness for a significant part of my childhood! And it dominated me until I decided to deprive it of the power it had over me.

Early childhood experiences have a great impact on a person's personality and character. Saying that, the initial months in a boarding school were extremely strenuous and taxing both physically and mentally. I went from having tons of friends to no friends there. After compulsively getting bullied and being mocked by my own roommates I had no crumb of self-confidence left. This eventually made me a wimp.

I had formed an opinion of myself which led me to believe that I was inept and weak and that I’d never be able to befriend anyone. After a summer of sobbing quietly under the comfort of my pillow, I was drained. Though my family constantly supported me and offered me the option to leave boarding-school I knew I was anything but a defeatist. However demanding it felt I was determined not to let a bunch of bullies wreck my life.

As the last summer breeze blew, I wept one last time as I bid farewell to my family and without looking back returned to school. As I entered the dorm-room all the dreadful memories came rushing back and I felt this undying urgue to cry, but my actions wrestled my thoughts and I smiled like I had never smiled before.

This definitely brought upon a spiral of confusion on others and a realisation dawned upon me that no-one could make me feel inferior without my consent. I was myself watering the seed of self-doubt planted by the people around me!

I understood that our life is a blank canvas and the end-result depends on how beautifully we use our colours and brushes on it. And as captivating and bewitching as this sounds, I let mine be painted by individuals who let me into a dark alley of self-demure and doubt. That by straining myself over their baseless comments I was giving them the power and liberty to smear my canvas.

Once this bubble of self-uncertainty had popped I was bewildered but at the same time I felt heightening strenght and courage. I knew I’d missed on a couple opportunities but I was determined to tug onto the ones coming my way. I gracefully took charge of my own life, my own canvas, and re-built my confidence.

Once filled with morale, It didnt take long for me to outshine in school. From music, academics, community service, sports to leadership and management, I not only dipped my toe but graciously came out of the water after trying to touch realms of success in all areas and achieving the same to a considerable extent.

This transformation in me taught me how to love myself, feel pride over my highs, work hard during my lows but most of all never to doubt myself because even if I am wrong that will only teach me a new lesson. It coached my to never give up,trained me to deal with condemnation, provided me new recognition, pushed me to further my limits to be able to gain success in what I desire. But most importantly it led me to believe in myself. Because William Shakespeare once said

“Our doubts are traitors,and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.”

We are incharge of our own canvases, it’s beauty depends on us and we should never let our doubts ruin it!